Back in the old days, two plus two equaled four. So predictable, so utterly exacting, there was never room for error. Or creativity.
Not anymore. Change has come. How much change? Who knows! It’s incalculable. That’s the thrilling part.

Math is the new truth. Truth is the old spin. And spin…what spin? I don’t know of any spin.

Let’s look at a few of Obama’s “saved or created” job numbers implementing this new creative math. Forget addition or subtraction. This is Obamanomics, where numbers are here today, gone tomorrow, back again on Tuesday, and free to shift with the poll numbers on Thursday.

Begin your path to numerical enlightenment. For me, I’m starting with the income I claim on my taxes. Charlie Rangel showed me the way.

And now, your math lesson.

Exhibit 1: 508 = 935
- AP reports: A pay raise for 508 employees counts at 935 jobs saved.
Take the number of jobs not in danger of being lost, increase their pay by whatever percentage your stimulus funds allow, and that equals nearly twice the number of jobs saved, though that number didn’t exist in the first place.
I do the same with my weight, only with division and subtraction.

Exhibit 2: 1,047/50 = 50
- New York Times reports: $1,047 for a riding mower at an Arkansas cemetery created or saved 50 jobs.
This is a great word problem lesson: If a cemetery can’t afford 1K to purchase a riding mower, how can they afford to pay 50 people to mow it?
Answers in the back of the book.

Exhibit 3: 290 + 4.7 million = 473
- Chicago Tribune reports: $4.7 million to a North Chicago school saved 473 jobs where only 290 teachers are employed.
If x = “where those missing 183 jobs are” and the government has no idea that x does not equal 290, y should we continue to employ them? Bonus points to anyone implementing algebraic formulas to figure out where the government is sending all our money.

Exhibit 4: 26,174 = 450. Or, 6.
- USA Today reports: $26,174 grant fixed a fence and roofs in Texas, reportedly creating 450 jobs. Only, it didn’t. The real number is 6.
This is called math dyslexia-and-multiplication-to-any-given-number disease. Treatments are available in the private sector, but only after liberals get out of government and get a real job.

Thank you for your attention. Tomorrow, we’ll learn about unemployment percentages and the factors multiplying them monthly.

Curtsy to Rush Limbaugh